Ostriches Don’t Pay Taxes: Why You Should

ostriches and taxes hundred dollar bills banner

Ostriches may not be taking over the world just yet, but they are starting to influence politics in a frightening way.

TRENTON, NJ (Sputnik.com) – Well, it looks like the human race might be ready to take a step down in the chain of command for this planet. At least that is what I seemed to gather from an Associated Press article by Tom Bell.

According to Mr. Bell, an ostrich was working in the offices of New Jersey Governor, James E. McGreevy. This ostrich was going around the building, handing postcards to “befuddled secretaries”. Mr. Bell did not explain why only the befuddled secretaries received these postcards, but he did explain that these postcards promote a “millionaire’s tax” which is imposed on rich people in order to make them pay more taxes in a fair way, solely because they are rich.

James E. McGreevey resigned as Governor of New Jersey
By David Wildstein

What Do You Mean By Ostrich?

This is not the first time that animals have done chores – animals have been our slaves for centuries – but this time, it seems that this ostrich was being paid money by the Fairness Alliance, a lobbying group that does not seem to like rich people.  

The reason this ostrich was being paid had something to do with it not being a real ostrich, rather an unnamed individual dressed up as one. This person was hired by the Fairness Alliance to seek out befuddled secretaries and confuse them even more by handing them postcards telling them that rich people should pay more taxes.

Analysis of the Ostrich Story

This issue troubled me greatly. I, therefore, took the liberty of calling John Webber of the Fairness Alliance and harassed him with pointless and useless questions for about fifteen minutes.

The Ostrich Representation

Mr. Webber was very polite and took the time to explain to me several different issues about the ostrich story. He first explained exactly what this ostrich was trying to represent.

The Fairness Alliance feels that members of the New Jersey government are “hiding their heads in the sand” in regard to how rich people are paying fewer taxes than poor people.

The ostrich was chosen because, as Mr. Webber explained, ostriches are known to stick their heads in the sand. (I called Harvard University’s ornithology department, where I was told that this is untrue; they did tell me, however, that ostriches can peck your eyes out).

Why the Ostrich was Sent

I asked Mr. Webber why he would then send an ostrich over to the governor if it portrays exactly what they are upset about? He answered along the lines of that he was trying to show the governor what they (at the Fairness Alliance) were upset about.

Concerns about the Ostrich Tactic

This is an interesting tactic, but it worries me. First of all, what if the Governor does not realize the point they are trying to get across? What if the Governor, in an effort to befriend the ostrich, sticks his head further into the sand? These are points I did not discuss with Mr. Webber, as I did not want him to hang up on me.

Discussion of the Tax Plan

Instead, I asked him political questions about this tax plan, which had something to do with that the ostrich dropped 21,000 postcards on the desks of the Governor, the Senate Presidents, and the Assembly Speaker. Mr. Webber explained that he did not expect all of the postcards to be read; rather they were merely demonstrating that 21,000 people took the time to sign these postcards.

Skepticism of the Postcard Campaign

It also did not seem to bother Mr. Webber when I expressed that these postcards would most likely be thrown straight into the trash. Instead, he continued explaining why, in order to be fair, we should take more money away from certain people. I cannot repeat his arguments, however, because while he was talking, I was busy wondering whether it might have been easier and cheaper for the Fairness Alliance to throw the postcards out themselves instead of imposing such tasks upon high-ranking state-government officials.

Conclusion of the Call

We ended the call in a civil manner after I confirmed with him that the ostrich was not a sign of animals taking over the government.

Lessons Learned from the Ostrich Incident

We learned several things from this. First of all, there are those who believe that the governor of New Jersey puts his head in the sand. Secondly, rich ostriches do not pay taxes.

We also learned that the reason the New Jersey Devils cannot host a capacity crowd during the playoffs probably has something to do with New Jersey residents spending their time writing postcards for the governor to throw out.

Lastly, we also discovered that ostriches do not put their heads in the sand.

You don’t need me to tell you why this is vital information, but I will do so nonetheless. If the Devils lose, it probably has something to do with ostriches paying taxes unfairly. And remember, if you see an ostrich with its head in the sand, it is probably an imposter, but it still might peck your eyes out.

Are you ready to pull your head out of the sand and tackle our tax problems? Start taking action today.

About the Author

Aaron currently works as a software/web developer and writes in his free time.  

For updated information see 2023 New Jersey State Budget

3 Frequently Asked Questions about Tax Fairness:

What is the Americans for Tax Fairness, and what do they want?

Aa lobbying group that aims to promote fairness in taxes and government policies. They believe that the rich should pay their fair share in taxes, and they use various tactics, such as sending an ostrich to the governor’s office, to bring attention to their cause.

Why ostriches? Is it because they’re known for sticking their heads in the sand?

Members of the New Jersey government are “hiding their heads in the sand” in regards to how rich people are paying less taxes than poor people.

What is the controversy surrounding the ostrich and tax postcards?

The controversy surrounding the ostrich and tax postcards is whether or not they are an effective way to bring attention to the issue of tax fairness. Some people argue that the postcards are a waste of time and resources and that they will likely be thrown away, while others believe that they are a powerful tool for raising awareness and creating change.